"Come again?" You could say that has been my response to God for about the last year. A little back story. When I entered college at Milligan 3 years ago, I declared my major in nursing and added on a track to get my pre-med requisites. The goal was to get my nursing degree, get into medical school, work as a nurse through medical school and finish as an OB-Gyn by the time I was 30. For the first to years I went full force at obtaining all this. Even though it was many hard hours of studying and lots of nights with little sleep, I was striving hard for my dream. Key word there being MY dream. I know God sent me to Milligan for a reason and gave me a desire for healthcare for a reason but in all reality, becoming a doctor was MY dream. It was the equivalent of saying "Okay God here's how I want to live my life, come and bless it, give me strenght, help me prosper and I'll glorify You and figure out someway to give You back a bit of my life." For me I thought that was good enough for God. Last summer God started stirring my heart for something different though. Something quite out of my comfort zone. He started revealing to me the truth of Matthew 10.39 "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Jesus doesn't say 'whoever adds me into the mix of their current life finds it.' or 'whoever asks for my blessing on thier plans will find life.' He says "whoever loses their life" in other words 'whoever gives it all up', 'whoever surrenders all their plans for my sake.' God also began to deal with me on the verses in Jeremiah 29 especially verses 11 and 13. Verse 11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Notice He doesn't day 'you know the best plans for you life, I will come and take those and bless those and give you hope through them.' The more the Lord strengthened our relationship, the more I realized that I had been living my life like this was how God worked. Several months ago He began dealing with me on verse 13: "You will seek me and you will find me with all of your heart." I had to ask myself, am I really seeking the Lord with all of my heart or am I simply seeking what I want and asking God to come along; am I really seeking the Lord's will with all of my heart or simply his blessing on my will? This was not an easy question for me. Any of you who know me know that I'm all about planning. I've had my entire life mapped out for years.

So how did I respond? Last summer when I was working at Powerlife, I knew God was being so clear with me and He wanted me to surrender my plans to Him. So I compromised. I pretty much made a deal with God. "Okay God, You don't want me to be a doctor. I'll give up going to medical school and in two years when I finish nursing school, we'll discuss this all again and go from there." I thougth it was a pretty good deal at the time. I mean I walk halfway, God walks half way. Wrong again.

So after Powerlife last year, I began to fill people in that I would no longer be pursing a medical degree. Many people didn't undertsand and didn't approve but it was something I knew I had to do. Throughout the year my realationship with Lord got better and better. I was getting closer to God and diligently seeking Him like never before but I still felt there was something else weighing on me. I knew God was calling me to really give my future to Him... my whole future. But for me that was just too scary. I had a million excuses. I said I trusted the Lord but I was living like I trusted me. Some of my thoughts were "If God wants me to do something different, He's going to have to show me more details." "I've had all this planned out for too long. Doing anything else wouldn't make sense." Well newsflash for me: GOD DOESN'T ALWAYS MAKE SENSE. Actually HE USUALLY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I mean look at His track record for a minute. It didn't make sense to use that God used Moses when he was 'slow of speech and tongue', or that he would use a young teenage boy to kill a great big giant, or that he would use Paul who killed Christians to write the majority of the books in the new testament and while I could go on about this for days the biggest part that doesn't make sense to me is that He would choose to use Jesus, the only perfect One to save a lost, sinful, icky, filthy human like me.

In all this teaching God kept reminding me of these verse out of Proverbs. 19.21: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand!" and 16.3: "Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established." and 16.9: "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Coming to Powerlife this year, I had no intentions of making any other big moves or compromises. In my mind there was still a year left in my original deal with God and there was no need to make any revisions. But surround yourself with the presence of the Lord for two weeks and it's not easy to block out what He's trying to tell you. Even thought the first week I knew God was wanting to work on me, I once again had a mile long list of excuses. "My youth group is here this week. I need to focus on them." "We have a whole week of camp still left, no need to focus on this now." But in all of God's sovereignity, He already had made plans for my heart.

On the way from Student Week 1 to Student Week 2, it was only my friend Casey and I in the car for the Saturday drive. Casey, I should add, is an amazing Godly woman. She's like a mentor and great role model to me. While we were traveling she, having know idea what I had been struggling with, asked if had ever thought of being a Bibical Counselor. This question opened the door for the conversation I had been avoiding for a year. I then for the first time confessed the words that I felt God had been calling me into the ministry for a year and I was just running scared. I told her of all the things God had been showing me and all the many ministry paths he had shown me throughout the year. I felt this huge relief just in telling someone all I had been holding back for so long. She of course encouraged me to really seek what God was asking for and surrender without letting fear stand in the way. As I expressed my concerns to her, she said words that for once made so much sense. "Ministry is scary. But if God wants you in ministry, being in ministry in God's will is safer than not being in the ministry out of God's will."

On Sunday we had church service with the staff and Jonathan really encouraged us to get away and have alone time with the Lord to recharge before the new week began. I knew that he was right especially with everything running through my head. Me and my friend Abigail decided that during the afternoon we would get away and do an hour of prayer. During this time I pleaded that God would be evidently clear with me and if it was ME standing in the way that He would break me and move me so that I would be used for Him. Towards the end of prayer time I pulled out my Bible and turned to some passages in Psalms that always encourage me to hold to the Lord. The first one I turned to was Psalm 27.14: "Wait upon the Lord, be strong, take heart, and wait upon the Lord." It's one of my very favorites. I flipped over a couple pages to Psalm 37. Also one of my favorites in which vs 4 it says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." As I read this I thought 'God, I've been delighting myself in You like never before. And my desire is for something more. Why am I so scared?' And even though vs 5 was underlined in my Bible and was something I had read many times for the first time I put together vs 4 and vs 5: "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act." WOW WOW WOW! Words seem so silly when I try to describe what God did to my heart in that moment and what volumes those words spoke to me. In that moment what God desired for me was so clear. Delight myself in Him, trust that He's planting the desires in my heart, commit my whole life to Him, trust Him, HE WILL FOLLOW THROUGH!

I do not understand why God would call me to the ministry.I don't know why He would choose to use me. It doesn't make sense to me and probably never will. I have no idea which area God is calling me to be it missions, women's ministry, Bibical counseling, etc. I know that the journey has just begun and surrendering was simply the first step of many more that won't make sense. I do know that God has called me and I trust His promises in His word to know that He has this all together and He's the only One worthy of my whole life. It's scary and it's exciting. Equally terrifying and terrific! But I'm more excited about my life at this point than I have been EVER. God is so good and so faithful and He never ceases to amaze me with His love. In coming blogs I will keep you updated on what's coming next for me along this journey but for now I want to leave with lyrics that God gave me during prayer on the day I surrendered.

"I'm not begging for a blueprint, Your calling is enough.
I'm not desperate for the details, in Your promises I'll trust.
So I lay it all at Your feet, every piece and part of me,
All I am, All I'll ever be, Lord, it's all for THEE."

 

~Future Plans.... or lack thereof!

First of all if you haven't read my blog about my call to ministry, I encourage you to as it sets the stage for this one. COME AGAIN?



This Saturday 3 years ago I was in a packed down car traveling to the place that would soon become my Home. Within the first 24 hours of arriving, I knew without a doubt that it was the place for me. God began to develop friendships that still remain with me today. This summer as I had prepared for my senior year there I had been overwhelmed with excitement and sadness at the thought of it being my last! Last month after surrendering to the call of full time ministry, my plan was to finish Milligan and see if God opened the door for ministry or seminary or both.

However as the beginning of the semester approached I felt God was perhaps calling me to a different journey and a different path. My prayer began to be, "God, show me Your will for this year. I only want to be where You want me to be." But as I prayed this prayer I realized that it was not God who was being unclear, but Brandy who was trying to filter His guidance. God's Word promises that He will be clear with us:
"You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." - Psalm 16.11
So my prayer began to be: "God continue to be clear with me and open my mind to hear You and my heart to accept what You have to say."

I don't know how to explain it really. If you've ever been in a situation where God was telling you to do something that doesn't line up logically then you know what I mean. I had this unsettling feeling everytime I prayed about it. Even as I went on the cheer camp with the squad, I felt it the whole weekend. I simply knew that Milligan wasn't the place that God desired for me to be this year. This doesn't make much sense to my in my tiny human mind, as I am only a year away from completing a Nursing degree and have put in countless hours to get this far. However I fully believe God when He says in Isaiah 55: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts; neither are your ways my ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
I am trusting that God sees the big picture.

Many people are not satisfied with this answer and feel I am making a mistake. I understand their concern and know they only want what is best for me but I assure you that the Master of the Universe has whats best for me in mind (Romans 8.28)(Jeremiah 29.11). While I appreciate everyone's opinions and concerns, I am choosing to live by these two verses when disapproval arrises:
Galatians 1.10: "For am I now seeking the approval of man or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."
1 Corinthians 2.5: "That your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God."

I am very sad to be leaving Milligan. To those of you who I have met along the way, you will never know the impact you have had and will continue to have on my life. I tell people all the time that I am blessed with the best group of friends anyone could ask for! This community has meant so much to me and I hope we can all remain in contact and that you will all know how much I treasure you.

So what is next you ask? Well I am transferring to Liberty Online and pursing a Bachelor's in Religion with a minor in Christian Couseling. I have chosen this route because now wherever the Lord leads me, I can go without being tied down to location. I am visiting a church in Delaware next weekend that planted early in the year to pray about joining them in their mission to reach the lost and passionately serve the Lord. And pretty much I am waiting on God to open doors and reveal to me in His timing where He wants me to spend this coming year. I know I am planted in Honaker until at least October as I am leading the girl's portion of the True Love Waits study for our youth the month of September. And as of Thursday I started working at a Christian daycare here at home! While it is sad to close the door on my journey at Milligan, I am very excited for whatever it is that God is about to do in and through my life! I simply want to fullfill the "life God has called me to" (1 Cor. 7.17), whatever it is that may be.

For my brothers and sisters in Christ, I ask two things: 1. pray that I will recklessly abandon my wishes and follow the plan God has for me and 2. seek what it is in your life that the Lord is asking you to surrender. Back in February my youth group back home did the Francis Chans study surrender. At the end of each lesson, we would all write things we felt God was asking us to surrender on a white flag. The last lesson was "surrendering self" and the end we nailed our white flags to a cross to symbolize our surrender. Here is a picture of the list I wrote the last night:


God was stirring in my heart then for me to be willing to surrender my EVERYTHING and my LIFE which are the bottom two you can't read. Maybe for you He is asking you to surrender a hobby, a relationship, a sin, time out of your day, or maybe He is asking you to surrender your occupation, your dreams, and the future you've had planned for so long. Whatever it is don't be afraid! I have a peace I have never felt before and an excitement that I can't contain! I feel like my life is just now beginning and am thrilled for what is in store!

I leave you with two passages that have become my prayers:

"For YOU are great and do wondrous things; YOU alone are God. Teach me YOUR way, O Lord, that I many walk in YOUR truth; unite my heart to fear YOUR name. I give thanks to YOU, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify YOUR name forever." -Psalm 86.10-12
"Let me hear in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should god, for to Your I lift up my soul. ... Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God! Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground!" - Psalm 143. 8 & 10

 

~From VA to DE

I can remember from the time I was young always feeling a tugging to do something crazy! I can remember reading books like Crazy Love and When God Writes Your Life Story and hearing song like "I Will Follow" and feeling almost uncomfortable. I would often pray things like "God I know You call people to step out of their comfort zones but I'm doing work for You in my comfort zone, so why leave?" But after God opened my eyes to His call for my life in July, many of my prayers have been, "God, I want to be in the place where it is that You get the most Glory from my life." and "God, I don't want to just be used, I want to be used up!" and "God, I don't know where You want me but I know that where You want me is better than where I want me."

Well the last two months ago have been nothing but an adventure! Two months ago on July 1st all of my conversations were filled with excitement as I prepared to leave for Powerlife 2012 that week on the 5th! Looking back, I can't believe how much my life has changed since then! While at Powerlife my call to ministry was clear and God prepared my heart for the surrender that was ahead. Within a week of returning home God started opening my eyes, showing me that my senior year at Milligan was not His plan, but mine. To read these two steps of the journey see COME AGAIN?! and FUTURE PLANS...

So where did Delaware come from? Well the week I retruned from Powerlife, in the midst of struggling with my Milligan plans, I received a facebook message from Tammy Lashey.{ A little history: I know Tammy because she sings with the group Calling Levi which is made up of her, her husband, her sister, and her sister's husband. They have been part of Powerlife since before I started attending and our church also got linked up with them there. I got to know all of them personally when they started visiting our church 5 years ago and we would have cookouts with them on the saturday before they sang. This relationship with these awesome people continued to develop as I became part of the Powerlife staff last year. Over a year ago, Mark (Tammy's husband) realized God's call for him to be a pastor and that's when I first heard of LIFEHOUSE. At the time LIFEHOUSE was a bible study that was held at Tammy and Mark's house. In Febuary of this year, LIFEHOUSE planted as a church with Sunday worship and Tuesday bible study. } So this facebook message was simply an invite to come and visit LIFEHOUSE and pray about partnering with them if God was drawing me. My heart immediately filled with excitement at the possibility! But the more I tossed this idea around in my head, I thought "No way! Moving to Delaware would be CRAZY!"

As we chatted back and forth, plans came together for me and my friend Joy to travel up together and see what God was doing! Last weekend we made the 9 hour trip to Delaware and from the first moment, I just knew. As I heard the testimonies and the way God was moving my heart was overflowing with joy and for the first time since surrendering to the ministry, I had a vision for what this year could look like. Our visit was truly incredible! We were greeted by amazing people that immediately felt like family. When Sunday came, we got to begin worshipping, serving, and growing with this body of believers. After returning, I spent a couple days praying just to confirm that this was God's desire and not just mine and was overwhelmed with peace and joy that only comes from God!

For those of you who know me well, you are probably surprised that I did not return to Milligan and am moving to Delaware. But for those of you who don't know me that well, I'll tell you a few of the reasons I SHOULDN'T move to Delaware:
1. I am NOT sponatneous or adventurous! I have practically had my entire life planned out since I was 15. NO JOKE! When I came into college I had a 10 year plan, and I can assure you that ministry, Liberty Online, or Delaware wasn't part of it!
2. I am a homebody! I LOVE being at home. For 3 years I lived at Milligan and almost every single weekend I drove 2 hrs home and 2 hrs back just to be with my family and my church! I have amazing friends here in Honaker and am very close to my family and church family.
3. I am from small town Honaker, VA. People don't usually leave here. You just don't. Out of the 97 people in my graduating class, 8 of us left home and went off to school. It's a great small down where generation after generation stays.
4. God is using me right here! God has given me several opportunities right here where I am from working with the youth in my church to the kids in my church. As a Christian I believe God can use you anywhere.

All this being said, WHY am I moving to Delaware!?
1. God is calling me there! All of these other reasons are great but even if they weren't present, I would be going! The most important thing for me is to be in the center of God's Will for my life doing exactly what He designed me to do! John 10.27 "My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me."
2. God is doing awesome things in Delaware! People's lives are being changed by the gospel! This is an area where not everyone knows the gospel but the few that do are changed forever! This church planted in February and had 393 in attendance last sunday when I was there! God is moving and I want to be a part!
3. There is a need! Of those 393 over 140 of them are 6th grade kids and under! God is flooding this church with His glory and they need people to SERVE!
4. God has been preparing me for this for years! It is no coincidence to me that God would send me to Delaware with the families of Calling Levi. I have been close with them for 5 years! My family knows them and my church knows them! I have been praying for LIFEHOUSE for about 2 years now with no idea I would be moving there! 2 Corinthians 3.5 "Not that we are adequate in ourselves to conside anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God."

I am so humbled to think God would call me to become a part of this awesome ministry! God has truly blessed me! Through a grant with the North American Mission Board, I am going to be able to be a part time ministry intern with this church and am committed for a year. Not only is He sending me there He is sending two of my dearest friends from Powerlife as well! I am more excited about this than any opportunity I have ever had!

I am so excited for this new journey God is taking me on and I pray that you all will pray that God will move and use me!
Psalm 16.11 "You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore!"

The verse LIFEHOUSE is named from is John 10.10: "I came that they may have life and life abundantly!"